This was me most of this morning: Pushing something hot on or near my face so relieve sinus pressure. This is the face I have when my usual sinus-health routine is disrupted (one missed Claritin!) or isn't strong enough. I don't get congested or watery-eyed. Instead, I get intense pressure and a searing pain under my eye, leading to a ripple-effect through my body that already experiences plenty of regular headaches, pain, and fatigue. My muscles get tense(r than usual), I'm cranky, and all I want to do is be a Couch or Bed Blob under a weighted blanket and a hot compress.
On the flip side, most of my values and objectives surrounding them focus on helping, supporting, and connecting with others. My calendar is full most days of meetings, appointments, social meet-ups, family dinners, etc. etc. And of course showing my support and connection requires me to be present and give 100% to each of these commitments. That picture up above? That's not something I let clients or an audience see. Honestly, I barely let my family see it (last night I caught serious side-eye from my husband when I went from miserable on the couch to chatting up a storm at family dinner). It shouldn't be a surprise that pushing through the pain is exhausting. When my day is over, I collapse, my body practically screaming at me for ignoring it for so long. It's... not my healthiest choice.
Lately I'm working to dedicate more time to another value: Caring for Myself. This isn't unrelated to my other values. Rather, I've had to accept the fact that by listening to my body and reserving my energy, I can provide more quality support to others when the time comes. I've had to lean in to the Spoon Theory, and decide which tasks really deserve my "spoons" each day. It's not easy to examine every item on my Google Calendar for its Reschedule-ability, or for how imperative my presence is. I'm going to make mistakes along the way, either in pushing too hard or in avoiding too much. The mistakes are inevitable, but sometimes that's how we learn.
It may sound defeatist or pessimistic to acknowledge the limitations of my body. However, I just can't keep giving out more spoons than are in my drawer. YES sometimes my body betrays itself (looking at you, sinus cavity-- and you, joints), AND when I work within my own capabilities I can show love and support to myself and to the rest of the world.